I wake up in the morning. Go to the computer and send a "forward message" to my family. I put your email-adress there too and then I write about this blog. But suddenly I realise that you're gone. I wirte a new song. I play it for my band. They like it, so we make it better and play it over and over again untill tv comes and films us. I'm so exited that I want to call you and tell you everything. But then I realise that you're gone. I can't get any job. Life can be as hard as it was for you. So I try to make a call and complain about eveything. But then I realise that you're resting in peace and there is no need to be confused and fight to get nothing... Babai, I'm proud over you and over everything you did and every thought you had.

I just had a dream.

I was in a big house that my Babai had (never in reality!)

It was a party and everyone seemed happy. I sat with my friend Setareh and talked. On the other side of the house sat Babai with Dorsa and they just talked to some people and laughed.

Suddenly I heard someone (I think it was Amme Maryam) tellin me that Babai is going to die about a week and now I have my chance to tell him everything that I ever wanted to tell. So I ran to him and hugged him. Kissed him on his chick and told him that he never should leave us. He was laughing just like this picture and told me that he never will cause his life had just begun. I hugged him again and cried and cried and told him to not leave. Then I looked at Dorsa and told her that she should take care of him and suddenly I woke up.

Babayi, where are you when I need you? I always called you when something went wrong and after a talk with you everything felt good. You were the most postive and happy person I knew. Now I feel that I have no one who really understands me. I need you so much right now. You can't even imagine. I can't stand with all this shit anymore. How people react, especially those who are most beloved. I can't stand with it anymore. Come back...

I remember first time we met him at Kish Airport after 3 years. He was standing there with his handsome style and a white band around his hand. He smiled and seemd happy to see us but at the same time I understood that something was wrong. During the semester at his little cute apartment I saw that he didnt have som much to say and smoked most of the time. He tried to have fun with us and laugh but it wasnt that easy for him I thought. I remember the last time I met him. The lastgoobye. When I was going to Sweden and I was taking the plane to Tehran first. I remember him standing there just like the first time and hoping that everything was going to be alright....

I jumped in the river and what did I see? Black-eyed angels swam with me A moon full of stars and astral cars All the things I used to see All my lovers were there with me All my past and futures And we all went to heaven in a little row boat There was nothing to fear and nothing to doubt

It's so hard to talk about you with everyone. Tell everyone how good you were and still no one can understand you. It's so hard to cry in people's arms, see in to their eyes without knowing what you're talking about. no one knows how I feel. Babai, rest in peace. Take my hand when I need you.

You can't leave us here just like this. The weirdest thing is that I think you knew what was going to happen. We all miss you and I just can't believe that I never see you again. I just can't believe that we went to Iran just to go to your funeral. I always thought that next time I wanted to go to Iran, I was going to do it just to see you. You were the only reason. To be honest, I never wanted to be there. It's something that I don't like with Iran.I don't know what it is. Maybe the atmospher or something like that. You were the only person who could make me laugh and happy when I was there. And make me feel like I have a cool dad that I can tell anyhting to. Did you have to leave us?

Look so cute
Babi, what are you trying to say? I promise. I will always listen to every word you have to say. I promise.

He was so cool. He was always young for his age. He was like a young boy with cool clothes and diffrent styles. He had this style for a movie he was going to play in France. He was the bad guy who paid another guy to kill a man. And that man kills Babai at the end of the movie and I remember that I never wanted to see that part of the movie. I couldnt see my father die...

I got this today from Babais cousin, Farnaz.

It is from a famous newspaper, called Film.

I still wonder how and why.

Can't still believe it.

Me, Babai and Shahrbanoo

My sister is here now. I'm seeing her after 2 years. We talk about this choking story over and over again. It feels good to have her here. But it feels sad that Babai is not there to take the pictures that I wanna send. I still can't believe it.

Kish Island

That was after 3 years we met him again. I'm so glad that we could see him before this happend. He was changed. He was tired and didnt say so much eaither. But he was still same sweet Babai that everyone loved. Same sweet Babai that wanted everything to be in the right place and wanted everyone to be happy. But he wasnt...